As Dumb as a Brick Stick or As Queer as a Football Bat

I was dreaming a little dream last night.

For some reason my mind has accepted things that don't make sense and just when I'm dreaming something great, my mind says, "This is too good to be true." and I wake up.

This was not the case last night.

I don't know what I dreamt this.

Turning of the season maybe.

Or maybe it was watching Little Shop of Horrors (1986 remake) last night.

Though I don't know what that would have to do with it.

Anyway I dreamt about football.

And football fanatics.

What woke me up from this travesty of a dream, was NOT the thought, "This is too good to be true."

Instead it was the thought of these idiot fanatics that talk about their "ball club" like there's a suit and tie dress code at some club house where they can go and sip caviar and eat martinis with their testicles hanging out for comparison.

"I belong to the local ball club."

What really gets me though is the way these people talk about it with each other, and have done so to the point that the local kids pick up on it and do radio interviews talking about their testicle taverns.

"We got a pretty good ball club. I think we could go all the way. Couple guys with real good hands and I really like the towel boy."

At dirty as this statement seems, it's all been said at some point or another.

What really gets to me though, is that fact that kids can't tie their own shoes yet and they're talking about how they've got a good ball club but just couldn't bring home the win tonight.

Texas is real bad for that.

Watch Varsity Blues, which is fiction, but also Friday Night Lights which is based on true events.

Both reputed to be in the top football movies of all time.

Both are high school level.

Both set in Texas.

Calm down Texas.

It's only a game.

How many kids have you brain washed into thinking football = life, then sent on to be plumbers or butt wipers, or some other non football related horse shit.

"Play football all your childhood, but you'll never be good enough to play professionally, then go clean up puke for a living the rest of your life."

I'm not concerned with the guys that play for fun.

Play just to play.

But these fanatics that only live to play a game that 9 times out of 10 won't get them anywhere.

Calm down.

That's why it's called a football GAME.

Yes, it's something to get excited about.

Yes, it's something to keep kids off drugs. (sometimes)

Yes, it's the only thing to do in a small town on Friday night.

But it's only a game.

Watch, I'll get hate mail for this too.

Jackass.

Don't let 'em getcha.

V.V.